Chapter 9 – Slothfully Learning

When I heard that Lucifer wanted us to get jobs, I panicked. I really enjoy doing nothing. The only time I write books is when Wrath threatens to hurt me if I don’t. I know I’m already dead, so her threats shouldn’t have an effect on me, but she still scares the living piss out of me. The feeling of fear and panic is still very much alive in me despite my ghostly demeanor.

My cowardice annoys me because I dislike feeling insecure. Sometimes I feel like I relate to Envy in that sense. We’re both cowardly and insecure, and we don’t do anything about it. I know I’m too lazy to change, however I don’t know what stops Envy. I don’t want to be lazy, but then my laziness is the very thing that keeps me lazy. I live in a vicious cycle. Perhaps that is my task to figure out on my redemption journey. How does one break out of such things?

It’s probably harder for me because my entire life was one vicious cycle. I often got stuck as if my life was one giant case of writer’s block. Motivation was always the thing I struggled with a lot. I would get a sudden burst of it, be really driven at something for a long time, then lose steam and quit the thing altogether. I went through a slew of hobbies. Cooking, woodworking, graphic design, painting, gardening, and a whole bunch of other shit.

I also did this with jobs. I would get a job, be really excited about it, but then when I lost interest, I would just stop going and eventually I’d get fired. Word got around and soon people lost interest in me, meaning if employers heard or saw my name, they just passed over me. I was then permanently out of work. I got really depressed, so I started hibernating in my apartment playing video games all day. Eventually, I discovered that I could stream my video game playing on the internet and people would watch me. I was able to monetize my channel and soon I was making money again.

My happiness in this new discovery was also my greatest downfall. I was making a lot of money, but I was barely getting out of my chair. I would order food to my apartment and just eat it right there at my chair. I filled up all my trash cans, but then I didn’t take the trash out. I just let it keep piling up. I guess a neighbor complained about a stench coming from my apartment, and when my landlord came in to check, he got really pissed off at all the empty pizza boxes, soda cups, napkins, paper plates, and other trash I hadn’t bothered to throw away. He told me I was no longer welcome. He gave me a week to get out, and I was evicted. That’s when I turned into the Deadly Sin of Sloth.

At that point I was really screwed. It was either live on the street or try to get myself enough motivation to figure out something better. The first month I lost my apartment, I stayed on and off at a homeless shelter, but it was exhausting having to sign in every day to reserve a bed for myself. Eventually I relied on my video game channel cash to rent a storage unit, which I started living in. I got some internet hooked up, and started making more video game streams for my channel. Again, the cycle repeated. I was doing nothing different, getting food delivered to my new address, and barely moving. One night I was eating some chicken wings way too fast, and a bone got stuck in my throat. No one was around and I was in no shape to throw myself over a chair to dislodge it. Let’s face it, I also didn’t have a chair to throw myself over anyway. So, I died. Pretty embarrassing in my book. It makes me wonder how Envy died since she actually died of embarrassment.

My death consequence is that I get short of breath, and I’m often hungry even after I’ve already eaten, something about the chicken bone cutting off my ability to breathe, and swallow food. My time back on earth hasn’t been the most successful. I see Lust, Wrath, Pride, Gluttony, and Greed doing all kinds of new things, making the most of their time. I wish I could have even an eighth of their determination. I get along with Pride a lot, he’s really nice to me, and we’ve become friends. As much as I think I relate to Envy on a certain level, I don’t like her. In my opinion, she’s meaner than Wrath. Wrath has an intention when she yells at me, she’s trying to get me to do stuff, she’s misguided because she’s full of wrath, but I can tell she’s just trying to help. Envy just yells at people for fun, which is cruel.

I don’t know why Envy even talks to me. She always just says the worst things to me. Today, I was just standing on the sidewalk after Lust had requested we all go back to the home lot, and Envy comes over to make my blood boil. Something about me being so lazy, like I didn’t know that already? It’s not like she contributes that much to our mission either, so she’s one to talk. I’ve been just tuning her out because conversations are never productive. I’d had it with her so I finally just told her off.

“LOOK, Envy! I KNOW I’m lazy, my name is SLOTH for FUCK’s sake! Could you just lay off with the insults already? OK? I don’t know what the fuck your problem is, but if you don’t like me, could you just spare me your bullshit and leave me the hell alone?”

Envy scoffed at me and stalked away. Thankfully, since I really had nothing else to say to her. I don’t know what happened in her past life, but she’s so rude.

I’ve heard some of the other Sins talk about what jobs they wanted, and I’m definitely jealous of their confidence. I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to improve on. Lucifer said he had noticed I was awake for the most recent meeting. When Lucifer mentioned that he was proud of me for even that little of a thing, it touched my heart. I realized I wasn’t used to anyone really praising me at all.

PRIDE: Hey, Sloth. What’s up?

SLOTH: Just trying to figure out what job I should do. That whole meeting brought up memories for me.

PRIDE: You all right?

SLOTH: Yeah, do you have any ideas of what a lazy ass like me could do?

PRIDE: Something where you don’t have to interact with the public face to face probably, something where you can work from home.

SLOTH: Yeah… I used to have a video game channel, but that’s where the memories are, it’s how I died…

PRIDE: Yikes, dude, I’m sorry. Well, you have some time, Lust is working now, so there’s no rush for you to get a job right now. Just keep thinking about it.

SLOTH: Thank you for always being so nice to me.

PRIDE: No problem.

After talking to Pride, I was filled with a sudden burst of inspiration. I really did like the garden that Lust had planted, and I didn’t want it to die. Lust was at work, so I thought about going to harvest some of the flowers. It felt nice to actually do something, and I wondered why I was so adamant all the time about not doing anything. Maybe this simple act could help me start my redemption journey.

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PROGRESS OF BOOKS WRITTEN SO FAR:

Lust: 18 books (sell to publisher)
Wrath: 15 books (sell to publisher)
Gluttony: 8 books (sell to publisher)
Pride: 5 books (sell to publisher) – no new books this week
Greed: 5 books (sell to publisher) – no new books this week
Envy: 4 books – no new books this week
Sloth: 2 books – no new books this week

PROGRESS OF FINANCES SO FAR:

Starting Money: $1,144
Money Made: $12,746 from book royalties
Lust’s Job: $518
Selling Harvestables: $7,420 total

Money Spent: $512 on the house (walls, shower, floor tiles, wallpaper)
$530 – Paying Bills

Ending Money: $20,786

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